directed by Renny Harlin

screenplay by Shane Black AND
Kevin Hainsworth & Judy Hoffman*

MAJOR 5:
Geena Davis .... Samantha Caine/Charly Baltimore
Samuel L. Jackson .... Mitch Henessey
Craig Bierko .... Timothy
David Morse .... Luke/Daedalus
Yvonne Zima .... Caitlin Caine

MINOR 3:
Brian Cox .... Dr. Nathan Waldman
Patrick Malahide .... Leland Perkins
Joseph McKenna .... One-Eyed Jack

 

*Shane says he doesn't deserve his success. We know.
We only want to be paid for our work and get our credit
on THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT.

INSIDE THE RIBBON		THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT
Sri Lanka, snakes and cocaine deaths.		CEY-LON HISS GOODNIGHT
climax in Niagara Falls		climax in Niagara Falls
schoolteacher also digs up the past. Carla, art teacher, does archaeology digs.		schoolteacher also digs up the past. Sam Caine's own past.
nice schoolteacher has a dark secret. Smuggles cocaine thru Niagara Falls.		nice schoolteacher has a dark secret. CIA assassin.
Supermarket robbers wear red and white polka dot ties. "People will look at your faces, not you."		Sam seen by everybody (on TV) wearing red and white (santa costume). One-Eyed Jack sees her.
Jake out on parole to get Campbell who "killed" his brother in an oil tanker chase/crash. On Campbell's doorstep are a band BURIED TREASURE, doing a gig at Radio City.		After seeing Sam on TV, Jack busts out of prison, goes to get Sam who he thought he'd "killed." She later gets into an oil tanker chase/crash. On her doorstep are Christmas carolers. Sam jabbed Jack in the eye; he's called ONE EYED JACK, like a pirate.
Major character named after town in France that manufactures a drink. Vergeze = Perrier		Major character named after town in France that manufactures a drink. Henessey = Brandy
major action sequences include: beer truck/ car hit an oil tanker; choppers chase over Niagara Falls, hero is stabbed.		major action sequences include: little girl and her bear trapped in a oil tanker; choppers chase over Niagara Falls, hero is stabbed.
Mother of Jake (Georgia) hurls knife at Campbell in Niagara Falls. Hits Kaine.		Caine (mother) hurls knife. Proves she's a killer. Later Charly is hit with a knife at Niagara Falls.
Jersey Turnpike from Altantic City. To get out of speeding violation, Cam's girlfriend pretends he's escorting a deranged bitch back from Atlantic City where went psycho and slashed croupier who needed 21 stitches. She is cuffed to the door.		Highway, Atlantic City. Sam shreds her former skin emerging as Charly Baltimore, CIA assassin. In an alley, assumes Perkin's men came to kill her, overpowers the mugger. In the car, she tosses Mitch out. Literally dumped in the road. She drives off.
Supermarket scene where guys on line are bitterly rude to others. Campbell and Kaine to Emily, near border with Canada.		Supermarket scene where guys on line are bitterly rude to others. French guys to Caine.
French guy Jean Paul tries to pick up Emily who is under surveillance. Then huge gun battles ensues.		Timothy tries to pick up Samantha who is under surveillance. Then huge gun battles ensues.
Stag party for schoolteacher's father. People drive home and crash the car. Deaths occur.		Party for schoolteacher's boyfriend's. Sam drives boyfriend's father home and crashes the car. Into a stag. Deaths occur--stag and father.
Coney Island. Lucky Jake is watching WHEEL OF FORTUNE.		Nathan (has a dog, not a Coney Island hot dog), CIA, tells her of Luke at a farm with a big wheel.
Carla kills Jake as he watched WHEEL OF FORTUNE		Sam kills Luke as she strapped to a wheel of torture.
movie ends with action sequence on the US/ Canadian border at Niagara Falls. Emily to get cocaine on board train.		movie ends with action sequence on the US/ Canadian border at Niagara Falls. Charly to save town from rigged oil tanker.
Niagara Falls freezes. This confirms prophecy of the Fortress of Tears. When Kaine's 11-year old twins see it, they say "SPOOKY."		Niagara Falls. Freezer. CIA agent (Spook is slang for CIA agent) locks Sam and her 8-year old daughter and a doll up to die.

Still not convinced? Did Shane confess to stealing INSIDE THE RIBBON? Why else have the poster that looks like the keystrokes inside the ribbon of Shane Black's typewriter. It's one of the ugliest movie posters ever made, but it's designed to make a point. The opening line in the movie refers to my email address. The movie opened in Cannes, France on my birthday. Room 514 also refers to my birthday; Room 714 refers to Joel Silver's birthday. Ok, Shane, I get the point. You stole our screenplay. I know that for nine years. Now pay us what it was worth to you to earn your $3.5m at New Line, and write to the WGA demanding that credit is given where it is deserved. That should square you away pretty well, and for your future stick to directing. You're very good at directing.

 

EXTRA, EXTRA: Shane Black stole huge elements of INSIDE THE RIBBON. But he didn't stop there. How about UNDER SIEGE? A cook is locked in a walk-in meat freezer. He's CIA but no one knows it and he's fighting the Koreans. Cook, freezer, CIA, Korea. Is that in THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT?

Shane Black refuses to pay us for our contribution to his success. Shane Black was soonafter banned from the WGA, the Hollywood Writers union who exist to protect writer's intellectual property. They disapprove of producers ignoring writers, and writers stealing other writers work without payment or credit.

The only decent thing Shane Black can do now is:
-- write a letter to the WGA telling them to update the credit for THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT accordingly, and tell New Line.

--pay Kevin Hainsworth & Judy Hoffman a decent amount for use of their material. How much of the $3.5 million you were paid was it worth to you? 15%, 25%, 35%, 45%? Our script was never about amnesia or the CIA, and your script is your distinct voice. But you couldn't have written your script without rearranging and cherry picking our ideas.

KEVIN'S REVIEW: Samantha Caine is a nice, teacher (5th grade) who has amenesia. Nathan says Sam Caine is an anagram of amnesiac. One night after a car crash, her boyfriend's father is sexually inappropriate and she hits a stag. Her reaction is automatic, clean and professional. She shoots the deer and starts in like Rambo. Where did she learn these skills? A private detective, Mitch Henessey (Samuel L. Jackson) helps her dig up her past. He locates Nathan, her CIA contact who tells her she was supposed to hit Daedalus for CHAPTER, a CIA fraction who want more money after stringent budget cutbacks. Her memories come back to her slowly, and it's fun to see the professional private detective who's seen it all fluster when Miss Goody Two Shoes turns into mean and lean CIA assassin machine. There's a lot of humor there. Great stuff. All roads lead to Daedalus on a farm, but she knows him as Luke, a guy she had sex with, but forgot why. The bad guy is Timothy (Craig Beirko) who seems to wallow in sadism, enjoying her pain. Caitlin, Sam's daughter could be Timothy's kid, but he's leary of it. This kind of movie needs two strong suits: violent, sudden violence and outrageously involved dialogue that mines the character's obsessions. This movie has those up the gazoo, or should I say Niagara, because after Charly is on the wheel of misfortune at the farm, they all head to the Deerlick Hotel in Niagara Falls and Charly has to stop an oil tanker hitting a small town and blowing up 10,000 people. There's one problem--her daughter has climbed on board. Will she save the town and her daughter? The action sequences are top-notch as we'd expect from Shane Black and Renny Harlin. The car chase skating across the lake was my favorite. There's the locked in the freezer sequence, and the shootout when Nathan saves Sam. Great action. There's the outrageous dialogue scenes, too. It's a road trip for Mean Bitch and Mitch and their conversations are priceless. Geena Davis plays a sweet housewife/ teacher, yet we believe she's a cold killing machine too. That's acting. And Samuel L. Jackson is a trip. His looks, double-take, and flat out funny delivery is great. The music features some bizarre songs, but they kind of work. I love all the choppers, the guns, the shell casings, and some of the lines about New Jersey.